I thought 2020 was crazy.
Then I thought 2021 was bad.
2022 was all, “Hold my beer.”
And then there was 2023.
Long-time readers of this blog will recognize that beginning. Except for the 2023 part, that’s how I started the annual “Looking Back, Looking Forward” blog last year.
I also talked about how every year seems to have been worse than the previous year. This year is no exception. Maybe not the worst, but if not, then it was a damned-tough contender.
And I’ll be honest, I’m scared of 2024. If every year just keeps getting worse…what will come of 2024?
But. And this is a big but. There was some really good stuff that came of 2023, too. I’ve always been taught to take the bad with the good, so for this first part, I’ll try to ensure I include both :)
NO SURGERIES!!!
That’s right, for the first time in three years, 2023 was a year of no surgeries!!!! Err, for me, anyway. Beck (my wife) was a different story, but we’ll get to that in a bit. My hips, both of them, have been doing fairly well this year! And though I’ll never be 100% again with them, and they did cause some minor issues during my first vacation in years, they’re both better than they’ve been in a very, very long time.
Vacation? Why yes, I finally had a vacation! But that’s skipping ahead a bit. Hey, I’m ADHD, I’m allowed to jump around a bit on you ;) For the moment, however, as much as I’d love to say I had no hospital visits this year…
The Most Pain I Have Ever Experienced In My Life
Okay, at least at this point in my life, I have no enemies. But if I did have enemies, I would never, ever wish the pain…of kidney stones upon them.
Because I experienced my first one this year, and oh my freaking goodness, I hope I never, ever experience it again. One night in March, I suddenly woke up in intense back pain. At first, I thought I’d twinged a muscle, and thought, “Ah, just gotta get through to morning to see a chiropractor.” But the pain got worse. And worse. And worse.
I was having to walk around, move around, ibuprofen did nothing to help, and it just kept getting worse. I started to fear something like a burst appendix or something. So finally, at about 2:30AM or so, my wife took me to the ER. Around that time, we began to suspect my symptoms were more indicative of a kidney stone, and as I was checking into the ER, barely coherent through the pain, they concurred and got me into CT right away to verify. This was also the first time in my life (yes, including post-surgery recovery) when I was in so much pain that I got sick.
That was the first time in my life that I’ve ever been on morphine, and what a strange feeling that was, but I was soooooo grateful for the pain to go away.
In any case, the stone was small enough that I didn’t need surgery, buuuuut that meant going home and enduring pain until the stone passed. It took nearly a week. Which meant a week off of work. A week I didn’t really have to spare.
This was on top of soooo much else going on in life. This was after a year of post-op recovery, strep throat after strep throat, COVID….basically, I was exhausted. And when I finally passed the stone and went back to work…I broke down.
And I took a few weeks off of work. Unpaid. Just to get some me time, some real and true rest. Because why would I ever be given enough PTO to stay home sick, let alone recover from burnout? Oh right, we live in the United States where employees get the shaft, especially non-Union employees….
Yeah. I’m a bit bitter about it. And it only gets worse, but again…Spoilers.
Voice Acting Advanced Class
One of the better experiences this year was that I was able to take an Advanced Voice Over class, and at the end, I got to do some acting for an industry professional! The class and that final experience went very well, and I went away from the class feeling very good about my future as a voice actor!
And Then More Work Shenanigans…
I’ve wanted to go part-time for my day-job for some time and focus more on voice acting and writing, and after that advanced class, I was ready to ask my day-job for just that. I’m a computer sys admin (Windows-based) and I’d gotten all of my systems to a point to where I could safely and comfortably reduce my hours…or so I thought.
I won’t go into many details, but suffice it to say, work decided to…change things up a lot. And then do a reorg and put me under a…difficult manager. So that put everything in that regard on pause.
Allergy Shots and New Book Release!
On the positive side, I released the first book in a new series in 2023, Project Sirius! The Awakening by itself, and the series in general, is something I’m very proud of and very excited to share with the world! It’s not all good things…I’ve come to realize, starting with The Awakening, thaaaat despite getting plenty of people to read advanced reader copies (a first for me), getting them all to follow through on leaving reviews on release day is…a challenge. And relying on others to help me out is futile. But at least two folks did, and I’ve come to realize that I have at least three vocally-dedicated fans :) So that makes me happy!
And I started allergy shots this year! I knew I needed to do something, because in voice over class, it was negatively affecting my performances sometimes, even with antihistamines, so I decided to take the plunge. Besides which, we want to adopt a kitty someday :)
Several months later now, and I’m responding well! I’m not yet ready to pet cats, per-se, but I can be in the same house as one now without having to take antihistamines! So that’s progress!
DISNEYLAND!
After having to put it off over and over and over again, we decided early in 2023 that we were going to Disney with out best friends from Cali! Originally we planned on Disney World, but we had to scale back a bit for obvious reasons (see shit year 2023 above). Still, we made it! In August and September, we headed down to the Los Angeles area, spent three days in Disneyland with our friends, and several more days in SoCal enjoying ourselves (and getting a LOT of steps in on our step counters!)
Among the awesome surprises our friends gave us was a stay at an actual Disneyland resort, The Grand Californian, as well as an appointment to build our own lightsabers in the Star Wars land, Galaxy’s Edge!
Speaking of….Galaxy’s Edge was such an incredible experience! It was our first time seeing that, and as a life-long nerd and Star Wars fan, it was a dream come true! It was a sorely-needed positive in a dreary and difficult year! I’ll treasure those memories forever, and I can’t wait to see the one in Disney World next :D (Just…you know, no idea when we’ll be able to make it.)
And Then, Even More Work Shenanigans………
So things had settled at work enough after the mid-year shake-up that I was feeling confident about asking to go part-time again. My immediate supervisor, who was awesome, was on-board with it, and we had come up with a plan to present it to that new manager I mentioned before.
I kid you not, only a week before I planned to do so…we had a company-wide meeting and announcement. And I, along with many other folks, was furloughed.
Well. Instead of part-time voice acting, why not full-time?
That was the plan after that jarring and hard day. But life had other plans…
More Medical Fun….
After I was furloughed in the beginning of October, I decided to take a couple days to absorb this sudden, life-altering event, and then I decided to take advantage of the (albeit unpaid) break from work, and go full-time voice acting. I recorded and edited Rise of the Forgotten in October, and by mid-November, it was available for purchase!
Buuuuut…November. The entire month of November, I had a major issue with my throat. We thought strep, Doctor thought strep, but all tests came back negative. And nothing seemed to fix it. More tests for other illnesses came back negative.
Finally, towards the end of November, my doc asked about acid reflux, and I realized then that, yeah, I had heartburn every single day, and it’s been a problem for a long time (in fact, taking all those antacids back in March is probably what strongly contributed to my kidney stones).
So I got on some meds for acid reflux, and within a few days, my throat finally started going back to normal.
But that still meant that for the entire month of November, I didn’t record anything. I had planned to record Burning Skies in November, and then in December, start auditioning for other roles to start making an income.
Instead, I started recording Burning Skies in December. And then…well, life. And also, once I finished the 2-week course of meds for my stomach acid, and despite making lots of diet changes, the acid started coming back, and right before Christmas, my voice started going out again…
I have 12 chapters left to record in Burning Skies. Maaaaaybe next week, after the new year, I’ll finally be able to finish.
But what does this mean for my future?
Beck’s Surgery
On another note, part of what’s made this year so hard, and the previous years…is the political situation in the United States. The ultra-right-wing conservatives have been making life scary, especially for women. And when Roe v. Wade was overturned, my wife decided that she didn’t want to risk it.
So we made appointments, and got her scheduled to ensure no one could ever get her pregnant. Due to a family emergency with the surgeon, that appointment was delayed, but eventually we got her in and the surgery was a success! There was a scare the next day that brought us back to the ER, but it thankfully was a false alarm, and Beck’s recovery has, thankfully, been relatively smooth.
Let me tell you, having been on the other end so frequently over the past 3 1/2 years…I never took what she went through with me for granted, but it was a scary experience seeing my wife go through that, especially when we had to run to the ER the next day.
I really really hope we have no more medical emergencies in 2024…
Speaking of 2024.
2024 – What Do I Do Now?
What do I do?
I…don’t know.
See, here’s the thing. As a furloughed employee, I still get medical benefits, and I’m on unemployment. But if my employer doesn’t take me back in January, I lose the insurance. As you can tell, I can’t really go without insurance. And buying it from the ‘marketplace’ is expensive, and, well, we don’t really have money to spare.
Do I risk it all and keep going with the voice acting, hoping I start making enough to afford independent insurance? Or do I look for another Sys Admin job somewhere? Or do I try to start a career in something else, knowing that, for the moment, we’re surviving on a lower income, so we could probably weather a start wage in a new career field?
The honest answer? I don’t know.
I started a Patreon in early December hoping to get help, but, like I mentioned earlier with Project Sirius, I’m finding out that I can’t rely on anyone else to help. Zero subscriptions to my Patreon. No one’s interested. No one cares.
At least, that’s how it feels.
Sooo…I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know what 2024 will hold for me. Any plans I have are more-or-less on hold.
Project Sirius book 2 is written, but beta readers who have had it for months haven’t gotten back to me, sooo…I may just say hell with it and after another round of editing without feedback, I’ll publish it. But that means buying new cover art. That’s expensive when you have such a low income.
I wish I could look to 2024 optimistically, but the past 3 1/2 years have beaten that out of me, and if I’m being totally honest, that’s one of the most depressing things to come out of 2023. I want my hope back. I need my hope back.
I need 2024 to be the year that everything finally turns around.
I’m tired…
A Writer at Heart 